Did you want me?

Wow! I can't believe I've been missing from the blog scene for 3 months. Not that I haven't been compelled to write, I've just been busy or shall I say too lazy to pull out the laptop when I get home and type. I do have a lot on my mind and hopefully, my addiction to blogging will begin again after this post.

As you all may have guessed, my son asked me this question a couple of weeks ago. I'm telling you, he comes up with some of the deepest questions for a child his age. (But I guess all moms feel that way) But seriously, he threw me with this one, it came out of the blue. First he asked, "Are you a single mom?" "yes" "Is it hard being a single mom?" "yes" "Well, did you want me?" "yes" What other way do you answer a question like that coming from your child? Don't get me wrong, that was the total honest truth, I did want my son, but do you really expect your child to ask you that?

When I got pregnant, abortion didn't even cross my mind. This was my first pregnancy, I was scared as all get out, I cried when the nurse told me the test results were positive, but I couldn't end my first. My situation was NOT what I wanted it to be before I had a child. I wasn't married, this wasn't his first child, he and I were not on the best of terms, I lived at home with my mom, and I had some bills that I would have liked to be gone, but I could not end this pregnancy. With that being said, after the initial shock, I began to cherish every day of my pregnancy. I was sick for at least the first 5 months, but I knew that a little person was forming inside of me. I read books, searched the Internet, and asked questions to other moms trying to find out as much as I could about this process. I also did as much as I could to prepare. I began to pay off debts, and began to think about things like life insurance, driving slower and moving up in the working world to gain more to take care of this little one. I read to him, because I heard that he knew my voice and could hear me, I put ear phones to my stomach and played Bible verses to him, and music and stories. I never prayed so much in my life for anything, let alone someone I'd never met before. I loved every kick and every movement I felt within me.

To me, labor and delivery was easy. My biggest fear was and still is raising him to be a productive black man. I am doing all I can to ensure that he knows the struggle our ancestors went through to bring us this far, and with the help of family and friends, we have a lot of support, in good times and bad. I think he is a happy little boy, who feels loved and cared for. His dad is involved so although we are not together, I think my son is doing just fine. He also has other men in his life, real men who love him and also show him the right way. We have a small village surrounding us, keeping us safe and supported.

So, Son even though you were not born into the best of circumstances, and you are being raised by a single parent, you are and was from the very beginning a very wanted child. Don't let circumstances hold you back, the greatest man that ever lived was born in not the best of circumstances. Jesus Christ. A boy born to a young white mother and an African father who left him, has now become the first African American President of the United States. You can overcome your circumstances, and you are wanted and needed by me, your family and this world.

How deep is your love?

While watching an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Ty and the team built a house for a family of 5, husband, wife, 2 sons, and a daughter. They were a beautiful family, very beautiful. The husband and wife were a nice looking couple, and very in love. On the day that their daughter was born, the father was going home with the boys and was in a terrible car accident. Luckily the kids were fine. The husband however, was severely hurt. He had brain damage and had to go through several surgeries. He was taken to the very hospital he had just left, the hospital where his wife and newborn daughter were. The wife was wheeled to her husbands room and was told he would never walk again. He would never talk again.

But God....................

Miraculously, not less than 2 years later, the husband did in fact walk again. He did in fact talk again. Through hard work, and a lot of prayer, he is coming along. The Home Makeover team gave them a house that fits the family well, and is accessible for the husband.

The reason I ask "how deep is your love?" is because through all of these trials, this wife still loved her husband. He was still a nice looking guy, but because of the many surgeries, his face was a little disfigured, he could not do most of the things he used to be able to do, but she still seemed to love him unconditionally. A lot of us fall in love with someone for the way that they look, the way they dress, or other superficial reasons. But when a tragedy happens, and those looks are not there anymore, will we still be in love? I'm not saying that we should not be attracted to the person we choose to be with, but how much should looks really matter? If you fall in love with someone because they have nice legs, where does the love go if they lose those legs due to an accident? Will the love still be there if you have to push them around in a wheelchair?

I know we all want someone who we are attracted to physically, I just want us to begin to look deeper than just looks and other superficial things. At the rate that couples are being divorced now, and children are being brought up in single parent households, I think it's worth trying to find a deeper connection with someone. We never know what the future holds, and if we vow to be with someone through thick and thin, good times and bad, there has to be something deeper holding us there when those times come.

Let's love deeper. Let's love unconditionally. Let's really look at what it takes to really love someone, and then love them.

Sweet T