I'm still in transition from relaxer to natural, I haven't given up on it just yet. But wow! I did not know it would be so much work! I am what I consider to be very low maintenance. With a relaxer I didn't have to wash my hair once a week, and when I did wash it that frequently, it was because my scalp would flake so badly that I didn't have a choice. I could work out, wrap my hair, and be ready to go in the morning. Maybe a little bend here and there with the flat iron or curling iron, but I'd be on my way. Since taking my braids out and deciding to go natural, I've washed my hair once every week, and believe me, that's really stretching my hair style. I could very well wash twice a week, but I just don't have the time nor skill to do that. Because I'm dealing with two different textures of hair, the curls at my natural roots sweat out much faster than the relaxed ends. However, because I still have more relaxer than natural roots, I can still get away with covering the roots with the curls on the end.
I'm still reading the blogs, and websites dedicated to natural hair, and I've brought my first products. I purchased Herbal Essences totally twisted conditioner and Cantu Shea Butter strengthening treatment. I can't give a review of the totally twisted because honestly, I don't think it helps my hair to curl as I thought it would. However, it smells awesome! I will continue to use it until it's gone. The Cantu Shea Butter makes my hair feel really soft, and makes it manageable. From what I can tell now, it will be a keeper for me. And this product also smells wonderful.
I've been enlisting the help of one of my best friends every week, and luckily she's been a willing participant in making me look presentable to the world during this transition. We've been setting my hair with the perm/jherri curl rods, and it actually come out really cute. The ironic thing is that I'm finally getting a chance to use the jherri curl rods that I begged my mom for. LOL!! Yeah, I cracked myself up with that thought!
I'm still hanging in there. Still trying to get used to my natural texture and fall in love with what God gave me. I haven't given up yet. So to all my newly natural sistas who are out there with me, keep hope alive. We can do this!
Sweet T
Monday, September 7, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Hair Story-All Natural
I've begun a transition in my life that I must say is one of the hardest things I've ever tried. I'm taking my hair to a new level, a level that I hope will revive it, a level that I hope will revive me and give me more confidence, a level that I haven't been to in I don't know how long. I've decided to go ALL NATURAL! Now, those who know me should know that this is a journey that is horrifying for me. Those who don't know me and are reading this are probably like, "So what?" LOL!! Well, let me start from the beginning:
From the time that I can remember, I've always had thick hair. I remember my mom or my grandma braiding it, or putting pony tails all over my head. My favorite hairstyle was when my mom braided it and put beads on the ends. Man I loved that style! I remember for Easter, I'd go to the hairdresser and get a nice hard pressing with some Shirley Temple curls all over my head. When I got a little older, my mom would send me to the hairdresser where I would get my hair pressed straight. I would get one of those old fashioned pressings where you would come out of the salon with shiny straight hair, with the cutest ponytails on the side, and bangs. If I didn't go to the hairdresser, I remember being in my mom's kitchen as she attempted to straighten out my kitchen with the hot comb. My neck would get burned and Lord help my ears. LOL!! But even through all that, my hair was healthy and thick. I think I've always been kind of obsessed with my hair. I remember begging my mom to let me get a Jherri Curl. I thank God and her now that she wouldn't let me get one. She always told me that I was too young, I could get one when I was 16. Well, 16 came and went and so did the Jherri Curl fad. I'm so glad I don't have any pics that can come back to haunt me. LOL!!
I don't know when I got my first relaxer, probably as a teenager. But even then my hair was healthy. I put braids in my hair occasionally, and then get relaxers, then braids again, then back to relaxers. I've worn my hair short, had color, grew it out, cut it again, relaxed it again, and I guess through all of that, my hair just slowly became unhealthy.
As you all know, hair is a woman's crown and glory. We love our hair, it is a part of who we are. We love to change styles and color. We adorn it with bows, clips, headbands, and sometimes we add more hair. Just look at all the hair care products on the market for women. These companies are making a killing! When our hair isn't right, we will hide out in the house until we get it right.
My decision to go natural is tough because, for one, I've had to deal with the negative images of black hair all of my life. I bought in to the nappy hair good hair thing. I am one of those nappy hair girls, my hair would never be classified as "good". Another thing is that my hair is very damaged. It's easy to relax it, or get a nice hair cut and keep it moving. But I'm realizing now that I need to maintain and take care of my hair, not just cover up the damage. That just creates more damage. Lastly, I have very thin hair at the top of my head. I don't know if the damage was caused by all the relaxers or if it was caused by a particular medicine that I was on. I'm not on that medicine any longer, haven't been for a long time, so you would think that the hair would have grown back by now. But it hasn't.
Every day for the past 2 weeks I've been searching the Internet, trying to find ways to make my transition from the relaxer to natural as easy as possible. I was amazed at all the women who blog about their journey to natural, how freeing they all say it is, and how they have begun a love affair with their hair. I love seeing the different styles they create and reading the product reviews. They've given me the courage I need to keep going with this. The one thing they haven't given me the courage to do was the Big Chop or BC as it is affectionately called. I could never cut all the relaxer out. Needless to say, this process has also made me aware that I'm a little more vain than I ever thought I was. :0
I want to thank the women out there in cyber world who are encouraging me to keep going. You don't know how much your posts help a sista like me. Thank you to: Natural Diva, The Coarse Hair Diary, Curly Nikki, and all the others who pour out knowledge in this journey to be natural.
So today, I guess I don't really have a tidbit, or maybe I do......as I find my way to a love affair with my hair, I hope you all out there can find your way too. Be encouraged.
Sweet T
From the time that I can remember, I've always had thick hair. I remember my mom or my grandma braiding it, or putting pony tails all over my head. My favorite hairstyle was when my mom braided it and put beads on the ends. Man I loved that style! I remember for Easter, I'd go to the hairdresser and get a nice hard pressing with some Shirley Temple curls all over my head. When I got a little older, my mom would send me to the hairdresser where I would get my hair pressed straight. I would get one of those old fashioned pressings where you would come out of the salon with shiny straight hair, with the cutest ponytails on the side, and bangs. If I didn't go to the hairdresser, I remember being in my mom's kitchen as she attempted to straighten out my kitchen with the hot comb. My neck would get burned and Lord help my ears. LOL!! But even through all that, my hair was healthy and thick. I think I've always been kind of obsessed with my hair. I remember begging my mom to let me get a Jherri Curl. I thank God and her now that she wouldn't let me get one. She always told me that I was too young, I could get one when I was 16. Well, 16 came and went and so did the Jherri Curl fad. I'm so glad I don't have any pics that can come back to haunt me. LOL!!
I don't know when I got my first relaxer, probably as a teenager. But even then my hair was healthy. I put braids in my hair occasionally, and then get relaxers, then braids again, then back to relaxers. I've worn my hair short, had color, grew it out, cut it again, relaxed it again, and I guess through all of that, my hair just slowly became unhealthy.
As you all know, hair is a woman's crown and glory. We love our hair, it is a part of who we are. We love to change styles and color. We adorn it with bows, clips, headbands, and sometimes we add more hair. Just look at all the hair care products on the market for women. These companies are making a killing! When our hair isn't right, we will hide out in the house until we get it right.
My decision to go natural is tough because, for one, I've had to deal with the negative images of black hair all of my life. I bought in to the nappy hair good hair thing. I am one of those nappy hair girls, my hair would never be classified as "good". Another thing is that my hair is very damaged. It's easy to relax it, or get a nice hair cut and keep it moving. But I'm realizing now that I need to maintain and take care of my hair, not just cover up the damage. That just creates more damage. Lastly, I have very thin hair at the top of my head. I don't know if the damage was caused by all the relaxers or if it was caused by a particular medicine that I was on. I'm not on that medicine any longer, haven't been for a long time, so you would think that the hair would have grown back by now. But it hasn't.
Every day for the past 2 weeks I've been searching the Internet, trying to find ways to make my transition from the relaxer to natural as easy as possible. I was amazed at all the women who blog about their journey to natural, how freeing they all say it is, and how they have begun a love affair with their hair. I love seeing the different styles they create and reading the product reviews. They've given me the courage I need to keep going with this. The one thing they haven't given me the courage to do was the Big Chop or BC as it is affectionately called. I could never cut all the relaxer out. Needless to say, this process has also made me aware that I'm a little more vain than I ever thought I was. :0
I want to thank the women out there in cyber world who are encouraging me to keep going. You don't know how much your posts help a sista like me. Thank you to: Natural Diva, The Coarse Hair Diary, Curly Nikki, and all the others who pour out knowledge in this journey to be natural.
So today, I guess I don't really have a tidbit, or maybe I do......as I find my way to a love affair with my hair, I hope you all out there can find your way too. Be encouraged.
Sweet T
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
MEN, CAN WE LIVE WITHOUT THEM?
Hmmm, interesting question. And if you ask a room full of black women you will most likely get a room full of "Hell Yeah's!" This question is a very tough one for me. The reason why is because I was raised by a black woman who did her thing alone. I was surrounded by black women who made it happen for their kids regardless of the absence of men in their lives. My grandmother, God rest her soul, was the proud mother of 11 children. She did not complete her education, but she worked and took care of her children without the assistance of welfare and unfortunately without the assistance of a man. See, my grandfather left her. To this day, no one really knows why, there is plenty of speculation, but no concrete answers. I've seen those children grow up to be productive adults, not without bumps in the road, but pretty much productive. So on one hand, I feel that yes, a woman can do it without a man.
But then I look at myself. I am the product of a single mother, and as I said, my mom put it down for us. We didn't have a need or want that was not met. But emotionally, I was missing something. I didn't realize until later in life that what I missed was my father. Yeah, I knew who he was, I knew where he lived, and he wrote and called occasionally. I even spent time with him during some summers. So, he wasn't totally absent, but I needed him more than what I got.
I've also had conversations with my friend who did not have his father, and he too feels that he missed a lot not having his father there. I also look at our black boys today. They seem so lost. They don't seem to know what it takes to be a man.
So to answer the question, can we live without men? I don't think we can. Yes, women have come a long way. We run our own businesses, we buy our own homes, we even make more or just as much money as men in the workplace now, but does that mean we can live without men? We've raised our children without men for years, the majority turn out great, but some fall by the wayside. We should not have to raise our kids alone, but we've been left to do so, and we do it. I once heard that there are more fatherless families now than there were during slavery. That to me is outrageous! The fact that fathers were a part of the black family during a time when we were separated based on need, money, trade or whatever, than what they are now is disgusting to me. Think about that. I'm not saying that people who are not happy together should stay together for the sake of the children, because that is another issue, but what I am saying is that we should be able to be adults and if we do break up, don't break up with our children.
Black women today have this thing where we feel we are strong, and honestly we are. I think we have to endure more than any other woman on the planet. We are often heard saying, "I'm a strong black woman", and there is nothing wrong with being proud and strong. But what does that really mean? Do we need to be in a relationship to be happy, no. Do we need a man to survive, no. I think we are strong black women, but I also think that statement can be taken way out of context.
My tidbit for today is: When you are asked whether or not we can live without men really think about that question. I don't think we can live without them just as they can't live without us.
But then I look at myself. I am the product of a single mother, and as I said, my mom put it down for us. We didn't have a need or want that was not met. But emotionally, I was missing something. I didn't realize until later in life that what I missed was my father. Yeah, I knew who he was, I knew where he lived, and he wrote and called occasionally. I even spent time with him during some summers. So, he wasn't totally absent, but I needed him more than what I got.
I've also had conversations with my friend who did not have his father, and he too feels that he missed a lot not having his father there. I also look at our black boys today. They seem so lost. They don't seem to know what it takes to be a man.
So to answer the question, can we live without men? I don't think we can. Yes, women have come a long way. We run our own businesses, we buy our own homes, we even make more or just as much money as men in the workplace now, but does that mean we can live without men? We've raised our children without men for years, the majority turn out great, but some fall by the wayside. We should not have to raise our kids alone, but we've been left to do so, and we do it. I once heard that there are more fatherless families now than there were during slavery. That to me is outrageous! The fact that fathers were a part of the black family during a time when we were separated based on need, money, trade or whatever, than what they are now is disgusting to me. Think about that. I'm not saying that people who are not happy together should stay together for the sake of the children, because that is another issue, but what I am saying is that we should be able to be adults and if we do break up, don't break up with our children.
Black women today have this thing where we feel we are strong, and honestly we are. I think we have to endure more than any other woman on the planet. We are often heard saying, "I'm a strong black woman", and there is nothing wrong with being proud and strong. But what does that really mean? Do we need to be in a relationship to be happy, no. Do we need a man to survive, no. I think we are strong black women, but I also think that statement can be taken way out of context.
My tidbit for today is: When you are asked whether or not we can live without men really think about that question. I don't think we can live without them just as they can't live without us.
Friday, August 7, 2009
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY RADIO!!
That's what LL said back in the 80's, but I beg to differ today. I can definitely live without the radio today. Remember the days when Hip Hop was making its way into the mainstream, and there were battles against the rappers that stayed on wax and not brought to real life? Remember how LL killed Cool Moe Dee on Mama Said Knock You Out? That was REAL Hip Hop. Remember how Public Enemy always brought us the truth in their lyrics, even with crazy looking Flava Flav up front with that stupid looking clock, asking us if we know what time it is? Remember Salt & Peppa bringing us knowledge on Lets Talk About Sex? Man! Those were the days!
I was definitely what I would call a Hip Hop head back in the day. I loved watching BET, to get my fix of East Coast rappers, and styles of that time. I loved hearing how the rappers flowed. They rapped about things like Adidas, Love, killing other MC's with lyrics, around the way girls, and dancing. Their flow was so tight, that you would recite the lyrics along with the song and at the same time gain some knowledge and black pride. Not only that, you had fun! They smiled in the videos, they danced and most of all the creativity was THE BEST. I wish I would turn my T.V. to BET now!
Now, the so called "rappers" all look alike, sound alike, and it seems that the only thing they can rap about is sex, drugs and killing. Wow! Now, that's what I call creative. NOT! I get in plenty of disagreements with my family about Lil Wayne. They say, he's got swagga, he can flow. I'm like O really? I guess telling a story about how much money you made selling drugs and the millions of woman you've slept with in a different way means you can flow? I beg to differ. Then we have the clones of Lil Wayne. Who are all these dudes that want to wear the dreads, look dirty, pants hanging so low I can see your butt, and rap about the same things that the other dude rapped about yesterday? Why do they all have to have that Autotune mess on their songs now? And by the way, it's not new, Roger Trout did that a long time ago. I can't thank Jay Z enough for D.O.A. (Death of Autotune):"na na na na, hey hey hey goodbye. I know we facin a recession But the music yall makin gonna make it the great depression" No truer words have ever been spoken. Every thing is so gimmicky now, it's ridiculous.
I miss the days of Salt & Peppa "My Mike Sounds Nice", and LL crooning to us as he says "I need Love". Don't get me wrong, I think there are still some rappers that can flow like no other. We still have Jay Z (the greatest), Kanye (the best), Common (so smooth with it), Mos Def (no words), T.I. (what can I say) and Nas (yo, where you at?). Yes, they all speak on some things that I would prefer not to listen to, but you can't deny the flow they all bring. That's what I call SWAGGA!
My son's IPOD is full of songs from back in the day. I am proud to say that I've introduced him to some music that kids his age probably have no clue about. He loves "old school" rap, and I love hearing him recite the lyrics from back in the day. Yeah, he also likes the crap they play on the radio today, but believe me, I sensor it as much as I can. In my car, it gets no play.
Bring back the days when music was good. When music was fun. When rappers were just as arrogant as they are today, but had the lyrics to back it up. I miss BIG. I miss Pac before he started trippin. I miss EPMD, Special Ed, MC Lyte and Queen Latifah. I could go on and on, but I won't. I won't even touch on R&B today, that's a whole other post.
If you all have something from back in the day that you miss, Holla at your girl. I'm feeling like Mary J right now, I want to Reminisce on the love we had.
I was definitely what I would call a Hip Hop head back in the day. I loved watching BET, to get my fix of East Coast rappers, and styles of that time. I loved hearing how the rappers flowed. They rapped about things like Adidas, Love, killing other MC's with lyrics, around the way girls, and dancing. Their flow was so tight, that you would recite the lyrics along with the song and at the same time gain some knowledge and black pride. Not only that, you had fun! They smiled in the videos, they danced and most of all the creativity was THE BEST. I wish I would turn my T.V. to BET now!
Now, the so called "rappers" all look alike, sound alike, and it seems that the only thing they can rap about is sex, drugs and killing. Wow! Now, that's what I call creative. NOT! I get in plenty of disagreements with my family about Lil Wayne. They say, he's got swagga, he can flow. I'm like O really? I guess telling a story about how much money you made selling drugs and the millions of woman you've slept with in a different way means you can flow? I beg to differ. Then we have the clones of Lil Wayne. Who are all these dudes that want to wear the dreads, look dirty, pants hanging so low I can see your butt, and rap about the same things that the other dude rapped about yesterday? Why do they all have to have that Autotune mess on their songs now? And by the way, it's not new, Roger Trout did that a long time ago. I can't thank Jay Z enough for D.O.A. (Death of Autotune):"na na na na, hey hey hey goodbye. I know we facin a recession But the music yall makin gonna make it the great depression" No truer words have ever been spoken. Every thing is so gimmicky now, it's ridiculous.
I miss the days of Salt & Peppa "My Mike Sounds Nice", and LL crooning to us as he says "I need Love". Don't get me wrong, I think there are still some rappers that can flow like no other. We still have Jay Z (the greatest), Kanye (the best), Common (so smooth with it), Mos Def (no words), T.I. (what can I say) and Nas (yo, where you at?). Yes, they all speak on some things that I would prefer not to listen to, but you can't deny the flow they all bring. That's what I call SWAGGA!
My son's IPOD is full of songs from back in the day. I am proud to say that I've introduced him to some music that kids his age probably have no clue about. He loves "old school" rap, and I love hearing him recite the lyrics from back in the day. Yeah, he also likes the crap they play on the radio today, but believe me, I sensor it as much as I can. In my car, it gets no play.
Bring back the days when music was good. When music was fun. When rappers were just as arrogant as they are today, but had the lyrics to back it up. I miss BIG. I miss Pac before he started trippin. I miss EPMD, Special Ed, MC Lyte and Queen Latifah. I could go on and on, but I won't. I won't even touch on R&B today, that's a whole other post.
If you all have something from back in the day that you miss, Holla at your girl. I'm feeling like Mary J right now, I want to Reminisce on the love we had.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Did you want me?
Wow! I can't believe I've been missing from the blog scene for 3 months. Not that I haven't been compelled to write, I've just been busy or shall I say too lazy to pull out the laptop when I get home and type. I do have a lot on my mind and hopefully, my addiction to blogging will begin again after this post.
As you all may have guessed, my son asked me this question a couple of weeks ago. I'm telling you, he comes up with some of the deepest questions for a child his age. (But I guess all moms feel that way) But seriously, he threw me with this one, it came out of the blue. First he asked, "Are you a single mom?" "yes" "Is it hard being a single mom?" "yes" "Well, did you want me?" "yes" What other way do you answer a question like that coming from your child? Don't get me wrong, that was the total honest truth, I did want my son, but do you really expect your child to ask you that?
When I got pregnant, abortion didn't even cross my mind. This was my first pregnancy, I was scared as all get out, I cried when the nurse told me the test results were positive, but I couldn't end my first. My situation was NOT what I wanted it to be before I had a child. I wasn't married, this wasn't his first child, he and I were not on the best of terms, I lived at home with my mom, and I had some bills that I would have liked to be gone, but I could not end this pregnancy. With that being said, after the initial shock, I began to cherish every day of my pregnancy. I was sick for at least the first 5 months, but I knew that a little person was forming inside of me. I read books, searched the Internet, and asked questions to other moms trying to find out as much as I could about this process. I also did as much as I could to prepare. I began to pay off debts, and began to think about things like life insurance, driving slower and moving up in the working world to gain more to take care of this little one. I read to him, because I heard that he knew my voice and could hear me, I put ear phones to my stomach and played Bible verses to him, and music and stories. I never prayed so much in my life for anything, let alone someone I'd never met before. I loved every kick and every movement I felt within me.
To me, labor and delivery was easy. My biggest fear was and still is raising him to be a productive black man. I am doing all I can to ensure that he knows the struggle our ancestors went through to bring us this far, and with the help of family and friends, we have a lot of support, in good times and bad. I think he is a happy little boy, who feels loved and cared for. His dad is involved so although we are not together, I think my son is doing just fine. He also has other men in his life, real men who love him and also show him the right way. We have a small village surrounding us, keeping us safe and supported.
So, Son even though you were not born into the best of circumstances, and you are being raised by a single parent, you are and was from the very beginning a very wanted child. Don't let circumstances hold you back, the greatest man that ever lived was born in not the best of circumstances. Jesus Christ. A boy born to a young white mother and an African father who left him, has now become the first African American President of the United States. You can overcome your circumstances, and you are wanted and needed by me, your family and this world.
As you all may have guessed, my son asked me this question a couple of weeks ago. I'm telling you, he comes up with some of the deepest questions for a child his age. (But I guess all moms feel that way) But seriously, he threw me with this one, it came out of the blue. First he asked, "Are you a single mom?" "yes" "Is it hard being a single mom?" "yes" "Well, did you want me?" "yes" What other way do you answer a question like that coming from your child? Don't get me wrong, that was the total honest truth, I did want my son, but do you really expect your child to ask you that?
When I got pregnant, abortion didn't even cross my mind. This was my first pregnancy, I was scared as all get out, I cried when the nurse told me the test results were positive, but I couldn't end my first. My situation was NOT what I wanted it to be before I had a child. I wasn't married, this wasn't his first child, he and I were not on the best of terms, I lived at home with my mom, and I had some bills that I would have liked to be gone, but I could not end this pregnancy. With that being said, after the initial shock, I began to cherish every day of my pregnancy. I was sick for at least the first 5 months, but I knew that a little person was forming inside of me. I read books, searched the Internet, and asked questions to other moms trying to find out as much as I could about this process. I also did as much as I could to prepare. I began to pay off debts, and began to think about things like life insurance, driving slower and moving up in the working world to gain more to take care of this little one. I read to him, because I heard that he knew my voice and could hear me, I put ear phones to my stomach and played Bible verses to him, and music and stories. I never prayed so much in my life for anything, let alone someone I'd never met before. I loved every kick and every movement I felt within me.
To me, labor and delivery was easy. My biggest fear was and still is raising him to be a productive black man. I am doing all I can to ensure that he knows the struggle our ancestors went through to bring us this far, and with the help of family and friends, we have a lot of support, in good times and bad. I think he is a happy little boy, who feels loved and cared for. His dad is involved so although we are not together, I think my son is doing just fine. He also has other men in his life, real men who love him and also show him the right way. We have a small village surrounding us, keeping us safe and supported.
So, Son even though you were not born into the best of circumstances, and you are being raised by a single parent, you are and was from the very beginning a very wanted child. Don't let circumstances hold you back, the greatest man that ever lived was born in not the best of circumstances. Jesus Christ. A boy born to a young white mother and an African father who left him, has now become the first African American President of the United States. You can overcome your circumstances, and you are wanted and needed by me, your family and this world.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
How deep is your love?
While watching an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Ty and the team built a house for a family of 5, husband, wife, 2 sons, and a daughter. They were a beautiful family, very beautiful. The husband and wife were a nice looking couple, and very in love. On the day that their daughter was born, the father was going home with the boys and was in a terrible car accident. Luckily the kids were fine. The husband however, was severely hurt. He had brain damage and had to go through several surgeries. He was taken to the very hospital he had just left, the hospital where his wife and newborn daughter were. The wife was wheeled to her husbands room and was told he would never walk again. He would never talk again.
But God....................
Miraculously, not less than 2 years later, the husband did in fact walk again. He did in fact talk again. Through hard work, and a lot of prayer, he is coming along. The Home Makeover team gave them a house that fits the family well, and is accessible for the husband.
The reason I ask "how deep is your love?" is because through all of these trials, this wife still loved her husband. He was still a nice looking guy, but because of the many surgeries, his face was a little disfigured, he could not do most of the things he used to be able to do, but she still seemed to love him unconditionally. A lot of us fall in love with someone for the way that they look, the way they dress, or other superficial reasons. But when a tragedy happens, and those looks are not there anymore, will we still be in love? I'm not saying that we should not be attracted to the person we choose to be with, but how much should looks really matter? If you fall in love with someone because they have nice legs, where does the love go if they lose those legs due to an accident? Will the love still be there if you have to push them around in a wheelchair?
I know we all want someone who we are attracted to physically, I just want us to begin to look deeper than just looks and other superficial things. At the rate that couples are being divorced now, and children are being brought up in single parent households, I think it's worth trying to find a deeper connection with someone. We never know what the future holds, and if we vow to be with someone through thick and thin, good times and bad, there has to be something deeper holding us there when those times come.
Let's love deeper. Let's love unconditionally. Let's really look at what it takes to really love someone, and then love them.
Sweet T
But God....................
Miraculously, not less than 2 years later, the husband did in fact walk again. He did in fact talk again. Through hard work, and a lot of prayer, he is coming along. The Home Makeover team gave them a house that fits the family well, and is accessible for the husband.
The reason I ask "how deep is your love?" is because through all of these trials, this wife still loved her husband. He was still a nice looking guy, but because of the many surgeries, his face was a little disfigured, he could not do most of the things he used to be able to do, but she still seemed to love him unconditionally. A lot of us fall in love with someone for the way that they look, the way they dress, or other superficial reasons. But when a tragedy happens, and those looks are not there anymore, will we still be in love? I'm not saying that we should not be attracted to the person we choose to be with, but how much should looks really matter? If you fall in love with someone because they have nice legs, where does the love go if they lose those legs due to an accident? Will the love still be there if you have to push them around in a wheelchair?
I know we all want someone who we are attracted to physically, I just want us to begin to look deeper than just looks and other superficial things. At the rate that couples are being divorced now, and children are being brought up in single parent households, I think it's worth trying to find a deeper connection with someone. We never know what the future holds, and if we vow to be with someone through thick and thin, good times and bad, there has to be something deeper holding us there when those times come.
Let's love deeper. Let's love unconditionally. Let's really look at what it takes to really love someone, and then love them.
Sweet T
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Black Woman -Vs- Black Woman............
Is this another form of Black on Black crime?
I have been thinking about something for a few weeks now, and this morning I was really "lead" to write about it. Ya'll know when I get to thinking, we're all in trouble. :) Anyway, I work in an office that is about 98% women, black women. From the leader of the office down to the lowest. There are 8 men in this office that's dominated by women. Most of the women here have been in this one office for their entire career as Government employees, so this is practically home to them. I don't knock that, do you, and it has provided for your family. A few of us "younger" employees choose to move around in the Government, which means that we've been in several Government offices during our careers. That's not my issue. My issue is this: why is it that women cannot seem to get along? Especially black women? The majority of these women have formed bonds of friendship during their time working together and that's totally cool. They've been through marriages, divorces, children, grandchildren and all of life's changes together. That's all wonderful. But why is it that when a newer, younger female comes into the office, there is a lot of hate? You have women who are selfish with their knowledge of the work that you've been hired to do, women who sit around and talk about you because you are pregnant and not married, women who spread office gossip that has no basis and no inkling of being truthful. And these things are all being done by women who are well over 40. I guess I can expect this from women who are much younger and are trying to get ahead in their career. I know it shouldn't be expected but unfortunately it is. Why can't these women help the younger employee? Why can't they be honest and talk to the younger woman who is pregnant and say, yes, you're pregnant and it's going to be hard, but let me give you some advice on how I managed? Why talk about the woman you hear is going through marital problems? Go to her and say, "This is what helped me and my husband make it"
On the radio this morning, the People Poll asked the question, why can't women get along? Many called in with their reasons as to why they feel women can't get along or why they hate on each other, but the answer that stood out to me the most was one person who called and said that it's insecurities within. I had to think about that for a moment. I had to look at myself and ask the question have I ever perpetuated hate? Am I a jealous person? I think we are all jealous to a point. We all lust after things that someone else may have and we desire. I can admit that I've been jealous of my friends in certain instances, but I don't think I've been to the point where I would maliciously do something to them or spread rumors about their blessing. I know that at times I have to step back and check myself before it begins to get the best of me. I have to stop wondering "why them" and or "why not me?", stop focusing on me and begin to support and congratulate my friend. I think that's where the problem lies. Some women allow jealousy to get the best of them. They look at the outward things that a person may have and allow that desire to take them over.
I remember being in a church service and the Pastor said that when we look at the fame and glory of a person, all that they have and all that they've accomplished, we shouldn't get jealous or get filled w/ envy, because God can do for you what he did for that person also. He also said that we don't know the "story behind the glory". A lot of times, we don't know what a person had to go through to get to the point in which they are now. If we did know, we would probably understand and not feel jealousy. There is a Bible scripture that says something to the effect that the older women should teach the younger women how to live. I think, we are doing a terrible job at following that mandate. We have women who dress in a way that some would say resembles a prostitute, then dress our daughters that same way. We teach them how to dance like they are on a pole in some body's strip club, and encourage them to go after boys at an age where they don't even recognize their worth. We also sit around and hate on another sista right in front of them, so what do you think they'll do when they get older?
I'm not saying all of this to point the finger, because I'll be the first to admit that I've probably done some of these same things. What I'm trying to do is open our eyes so that we can recognize when we are exhibiting these behaviors and correct them. I know that when sistas get together, we can do wonders. Lets not hate on one another. Lets start helping one another, uplifting each other. Don't look at the sista with the family, fat house and Range Rover and think, she thinks she's all that. No, she doesn't, YOU DO. She worked hard to get what she has, and I'm sure if you approach her, and talk with her, you'll learn some things that will carry you through life that will possibly get you in the position that you want to be in.
I have been thinking about something for a few weeks now, and this morning I was really "lead" to write about it. Ya'll know when I get to thinking, we're all in trouble. :) Anyway, I work in an office that is about 98% women, black women. From the leader of the office down to the lowest. There are 8 men in this office that's dominated by women. Most of the women here have been in this one office for their entire career as Government employees, so this is practically home to them. I don't knock that, do you, and it has provided for your family. A few of us "younger" employees choose to move around in the Government, which means that we've been in several Government offices during our careers. That's not my issue. My issue is this: why is it that women cannot seem to get along? Especially black women? The majority of these women have formed bonds of friendship during their time working together and that's totally cool. They've been through marriages, divorces, children, grandchildren and all of life's changes together. That's all wonderful. But why is it that when a newer, younger female comes into the office, there is a lot of hate? You have women who are selfish with their knowledge of the work that you've been hired to do, women who sit around and talk about you because you are pregnant and not married, women who spread office gossip that has no basis and no inkling of being truthful. And these things are all being done by women who are well over 40. I guess I can expect this from women who are much younger and are trying to get ahead in their career. I know it shouldn't be expected but unfortunately it is. Why can't these women help the younger employee? Why can't they be honest and talk to the younger woman who is pregnant and say, yes, you're pregnant and it's going to be hard, but let me give you some advice on how I managed? Why talk about the woman you hear is going through marital problems? Go to her and say, "This is what helped me and my husband make it"
On the radio this morning, the People Poll asked the question, why can't women get along? Many called in with their reasons as to why they feel women can't get along or why they hate on each other, but the answer that stood out to me the most was one person who called and said that it's insecurities within. I had to think about that for a moment. I had to look at myself and ask the question have I ever perpetuated hate? Am I a jealous person? I think we are all jealous to a point. We all lust after things that someone else may have and we desire. I can admit that I've been jealous of my friends in certain instances, but I don't think I've been to the point where I would maliciously do something to them or spread rumors about their blessing. I know that at times I have to step back and check myself before it begins to get the best of me. I have to stop wondering "why them" and or "why not me?", stop focusing on me and begin to support and congratulate my friend. I think that's where the problem lies. Some women allow jealousy to get the best of them. They look at the outward things that a person may have and allow that desire to take them over.
I remember being in a church service and the Pastor said that when we look at the fame and glory of a person, all that they have and all that they've accomplished, we shouldn't get jealous or get filled w/ envy, because God can do for you what he did for that person also. He also said that we don't know the "story behind the glory". A lot of times, we don't know what a person had to go through to get to the point in which they are now. If we did know, we would probably understand and not feel jealousy. There is a Bible scripture that says something to the effect that the older women should teach the younger women how to live. I think, we are doing a terrible job at following that mandate. We have women who dress in a way that some would say resembles a prostitute, then dress our daughters that same way. We teach them how to dance like they are on a pole in some body's strip club, and encourage them to go after boys at an age where they don't even recognize their worth. We also sit around and hate on another sista right in front of them, so what do you think they'll do when they get older?
I'm not saying all of this to point the finger, because I'll be the first to admit that I've probably done some of these same things. What I'm trying to do is open our eyes so that we can recognize when we are exhibiting these behaviors and correct them. I know that when sistas get together, we can do wonders. Lets not hate on one another. Lets start helping one another, uplifting each other. Don't look at the sista with the family, fat house and Range Rover and think, she thinks she's all that. No, she doesn't, YOU DO. She worked hard to get what she has, and I'm sure if you approach her, and talk with her, you'll learn some things that will carry you through life that will possibly get you in the position that you want to be in.
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