Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Hmmm, interesting question. And if you ask a room full of black women you will most likely get a room full of "Hell Yeah's!" This question is a very tough one for me. The reason why is because I was raised by a black woman who did her thing alone. I was surrounded by black women who made it happen for their kids regardless of the absence of men in their lives. My grandmother, God rest her soul, was the proud mother of 11 children. She did not complete her education, but she worked and took care of her children without the assistance of welfare and unfortunately without the assistance of a man. See, my grandfather left her. To this day, no one really knows why, there is plenty of speculation, but no concrete answers. I've seen those children grow up to be productive adults, not without bumps in the road, but pretty much productive. So on one hand, I feel that yes, a woman can do it without a man.

But then I look at myself. I am the product of a single mother, and as I said, my mom put it down for us. We didn't have a need or want that was not met. But emotionally, I was missing something. I didn't realize until later in life that what I missed was my father. Yeah, I knew who he was, I knew where he lived, and he wrote and called occasionally. I even spent time with him during some summers. So, he wasn't totally absent, but I needed him more than what I got.

I've also had conversations with my friend who did not have his father, and he too feels that he missed a lot not having his father there. I also look at our black boys today. They seem so lost. They don't seem to know what it takes to be a man.

So to answer the question, can we live without men? I don't think we can. Yes, women have come a long way. We run our own businesses, we buy our own homes, we even make more or just as much money as men in the workplace now, but does that mean we can live without men? We've raised our children without men for years, the majority turn out great, but some fall by the wayside. We should not have to raise our kids alone, but we've been left to do so, and we do it. I once heard that there are more fatherless families now than there were during slavery. That to me is outrageous! The fact that fathers were a part of the black family during a time when we were separated based on need, money, trade or whatever, than what they are now is disgusting to me. Think about that. I'm not saying that people who are not happy together should stay together for the sake of the children, because that is another issue, but what I am saying is that we should be able to be adults and if we do break up, don't break up with our children.

Black women today have this thing where we feel we are strong, and honestly we are. I think we have to endure more than any other woman on the planet. We are often heard saying, "I'm a strong black woman", and there is nothing wrong with being proud and strong. But what does that really mean? Do we need to be in a relationship to be happy, no. Do we need a man to survive, no. I think we are strong black women, but I also think that statement can be taken way out of context.

My tidbit for today is: When you are asked whether or not we can live without men really think about that question. I don't think we can live without them just as they can't live without us.

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My Favorites

  • My Son
  • My Family
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  • Kindred Family Soul
  • Eric Roberson
  • Fred Hammond
  • Jill Scott
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  • Left Behind Series
  • Love Jones
  • Coming to America
  • The Bridges of Madison County
  • The Color Purple
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"I'm calling out to You, for a strength exchange. I'll gladly take Your Joy, for my weakness"