Thursday, February 25, 2010


On a recent trip home from NYC, by Boo and I were chit chatting as usual.  He brought up an episode of Oprah (I love her) that he saw some time ago where Ms. O spoke on the need for a personal song in one's life.  Basically what it boils down to is a song that defines who you are or how you are feeling at a point in your life.  He said that got him to thinking, what would his personal song say about him?  Well, at this time in his life, his journey has brought him to Ledisi's "It's Alright".  For those who know of this song, you know that she is saying that no matter what is going on in her finances, love life, job or whatever at the time, she knows every thing is going to be ALRIGHT.  I love that song.  Good choice Boo!

As I began to ponder the question, I began to think over my life.  I think a personal song can change according to what's going on in your life or how you are feeling.  I thought about things that have happened in my life, how my attitude has changed, and how different things have effected both.  So, this is how I think my personal songs in life have gone:

In my early 20's I would say my personal song would have been Mary J. Blige, "My Life".  I am a HUGE Mary fan!  I consider her music as my life being put out there for all to know.  In "My Life", she really touched on how I was feeling at the time.  On the outside I was happy, but if you really look at my life, you would see some things that you didn't even know were there.

In my mid 20's, I would say Fred Hammond's "Let the Praise Begin" would have been my personal song.  At that time, I was introduced to a personal relationship with my Lord and Saviour.  As you all know, when you are first introduced to Him, you feel renewed.  I couldn't do anything but Praise Him at that time.  When I thought about how good He is and was to me, praise was all I could do.

Still in my mid 20's, I became pregnant.  Yeah, I know.  How did that happen after all the praising?  Well, we all fall short right? As I said in a previous post, that was a turning point in my life.  I won't go into further detail, I would just say that at a certain point, my personal song would have been "I'm in love under new management".  As I've stated before, I loved my son from the beginning.  I had no clue how I was going to take care of him, I also didn't want to be a single mother, but the life growing inside of me I loved from the beginning.  I knew that because of that love I felt, I would do what it takes to make his life as enjoyable and comfortable as possible.

My later 20's and early 30's were a confusing time for me.  I still loved the Lord, and I knew that I was forgiven.  But I also knew that there were some things in me that needed to change in order for me to move forward with my life.  I needed to forgive myself for some things, I needed a change of heart in some areas, and I needed confidence in knowing who I was in this life and who I was to God.  At that time I would say that my personal song would have been Fred Hammond's "Your steps are Ordered" and "Give me a Clean Heart".  I knew that God was dealing with me on some things.  I knew that the embarassment, rejection, condemnation, lack of understanding, pain, and the feeling of being unlovable were things that I had to let go of in order to live a full life.  I could literally feel in my heart that God was dealing with me.  I too had to deal with myself.  That process took longer than I expected, but I think I'm finally to a point where I can say that I beleive I'm forgiven, I no longer feel the pain I felt (at least not as strongly as I did), I am lovable (and so is my son) and I am not ashamed any more. 
None of that is to say that God is done with me.  By no means is my journey complete.  I will never get to the point where I feel I am all together.  I know I can always learn and grow.  Especially in the things of God.  What I am saying is that during that time, I found out a lot about myself. Some of it was painful, but it was worth going through. 

Now on to the present.  In the car that day, I thought about all of this, and the personal song I think gives an inside look into my life would be, Jill Scott's "Golden".  I think I am finally at a point in my life where I know who I am.  Sometimes I do forget tho. :) I don't let things bother me as much as they used to.  I love learning, and meeting new people.  I am a little more confident than I used to be. :)  I truly feel that I am living my life like it's Golden because it truly is!  We only have one to live.  Hopefully, this is the last personal song for me.  I plan to continue to live my life like it's Golden no matter what. 

With that said, my tidbit would be, please live your life like it's GOLDEN!  It really is the only one we get.  Don't waste it. 

What would your personal song be?  I would love to hear it.


Sweet Tee

Monday, February 15, 2010


Guess what?  I'm not talking about my man.  I'm talking about my perm.  As you all, (my faithful 8 followers) know, I'm transitioning from a perm to natural hair.  Meaning, no more chemicals to alter the texture of my hair. I titled this post "Officially Missing You" because that is exactly how I'm feeling right now.  I am actually missing the texture of my permed hair. 

Believe it or not, it's been almost 1 year since my last perm.  I can't put my finger on the exact day of my last perm, but it occurred to me the other day that it's been almost a year.  My Boo asked me how long it's been, and as I thought about it, I realized that my last perm was around April or May of 09.  He has been very supportive of my transition, so my missing the perm has nothing to do with that.  I miss it because for the life of me, I cannot get used to the natural texture or feel of my hair.  Not only that, but I am honestly tired of having to do my hair every week. 

I still read my favorite blogs, Curly Nikki, Newbie Natural Diva, etc., and I love reading all the posts about natural hair, and they really do encourage me. I still watch my Youtube videos for ideas.  But I am still missing the perm right now.  I am not comparing my hair to others, I know that what was given to me is mine and I can't do anything about it.  I'm good with my 4b hair.  What is bothering me now is the fact that I can't find a product that will soften my hair, help keep it moisturized or a style that will last longer than a few days. 

Don't get me wrong, there are a few pros to not having a perm.  Right now they are: no more itchy scalp.  I do not miss the days when I would scratch my scalp so badly that it would bleed.  No more burning every 6 weeks or less to straighten my hair.  I really don't miss running to the shampoo bowl to wash the perm out.  And I'm saving money by doing my hair on my own.  I only see my stylist when I want to, in order to get it trimmed of the permed edges.  But right now, those pros don't out weigh what I'm feeling. 

My hair is about 95% natural now.  I have some permed edges still, mainly in the front.  During this transition, I've basically worn my hair set on perm rods.  It's been working, but the more my natural hair grows out, the harder it is for me to stretch those sets.  I read how all the other 4b naturals refer to their hair as "curly", and I'm thinking "hmmm, I can't exactly call my hair curly, cuz it aint".  My hair doesn't curl unless I manipulate it to curl.  Maybe I'm taking it literally, but really my hair is not curly.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  My hair right now is dry, very dry, and feels really hard.  It actually feels like hair feels when it's over processed.  That is very confusing to me because I no longer use chemicals on my hair.  I use a deep conditioner every week, and a leave in conditioner to keep it moisterized.  I've tried several products that I've read about, and the results have not been that good.  Some have helped to a certain extent, but not how I need them to help.  If I could carry a bottle of water with me and spray my hair hourly, I would. Maybe I'm experiencing what I've read about called "scab hair".  I don't know, I have to do more research on that.  But what I can say is that I do not like how my hair feels.

On occassion, if I don't have to leave home, I'll try different styles.  I've tried the braid out.  That is a no go for me.  It just looks frizzy and dry.  I've also tried the wash and go.  No go.  It ends up being very dry, hard, and my hair strinks so badly, that it looks terrible.  So I'd always go back to old faithful, the set on perm rods. I don't have the time to do my hair every morning.  I'm still trying to figure out how some naturals do that.  Especially with 4b hair.   

Today, I was at my wits end.  I set my hair on Thursday, and today(Monday), it was a horrible dry mess.  I needed to find someone who could braid my hair before I picked up the phone to call my stylist for an appointment to get a perm, or before I asked my Boo to cut it all off.  The last time I got frustrated and asked him, thankfully, he said no because I was making an emotional decision.  Thanks Boo!  Because if I had allowed him to cut it all off, I would have been crazy a few hours later.  If I make that decision, I want to do it with a sane mind, not out of emotion. 

So, because I'm not a quitter, I did the next best thing.  I called the African Braiding Galleries to see who could take me as a walkin.  Luckily I found one who could.  I decided to braid it for a while, just to give me a break from having to style it weekly, and having to touch it and be disappointed on what I feel.  My concern now is will the braids and the fact that I can't condition it for moisture make it worse?  I surely hope not. 

With that said, I'm still on my natural journey.  I hope it gets better for me.  Because right now, I am truly missing the perm. Any 4b naturals out there that can help, I'm listening!!

Sweet T

My Favorites

  • My Son
  • My Family
  • My KD
  • My Friends
  • Kindred Family Soul
  • Eric Roberson
  • Fred Hammond
  • Jill Scott
  • Mary J. Blige
  • Left Behind Series
  • Love Jones
  • Coming to America
  • The Bridges of Madison County
  • The Color Purple
  • The Kite Runner
  • The Wire
  • Boomerrang
  • The Notebook
  • Love and Basketball


"I'm calling out to You, for a strength exchange. I'll gladly take Your Joy, for my weakness"