OFFICIALLY MISSING YOU.....

Guess what?  I'm not talking about my man.  I'm talking about my perm.  As you all, (my faithful 8 followers) know, I'm transitioning from a perm to natural hair.  Meaning, no more chemicals to alter the texture of my hair. I titled this post "Officially Missing You" because that is exactly how I'm feeling right now.  I am actually missing the texture of my permed hair. 

Believe it or not, it's been almost 1 year since my last perm.  I can't put my finger on the exact day of my last perm, but it occurred to me the other day that it's been almost a year.  My Boo asked me how long it's been, and as I thought about it, I realized that my last perm was around April or May of 09.  He has been very supportive of my transition, so my missing the perm has nothing to do with that.  I miss it because for the life of me, I cannot get used to the natural texture or feel of my hair.  Not only that, but I am honestly tired of having to do my hair every week. 

I still read my favorite blogs, Curly Nikki, Newbie Natural Diva, etc., and I love reading all the posts about natural hair, and they really do encourage me. I still watch my Youtube videos for ideas.  But I am still missing the perm right now.  I am not comparing my hair to others, I know that what was given to me is mine and I can't do anything about it.  I'm good with my 4b hair.  What is bothering me now is the fact that I can't find a product that will soften my hair, help keep it moisturized or a style that will last longer than a few days. 

Don't get me wrong, there are a few pros to not having a perm.  Right now they are: no more itchy scalp.  I do not miss the days when I would scratch my scalp so badly that it would bleed.  No more burning every 6 weeks or less to straighten my hair.  I really don't miss running to the shampoo bowl to wash the perm out.  And I'm saving money by doing my hair on my own.  I only see my stylist when I want to, in order to get it trimmed of the permed edges.  But right now, those pros don't out weigh what I'm feeling. 

My hair is about 95% natural now.  I have some permed edges still, mainly in the front.  During this transition, I've basically worn my hair set on perm rods.  It's been working, but the more my natural hair grows out, the harder it is for me to stretch those sets.  I read how all the other 4b naturals refer to their hair as "curly", and I'm thinking "hmmm, I can't exactly call my hair curly, cuz it aint".  My hair doesn't curl unless I manipulate it to curl.  Maybe I'm taking it literally, but really my hair is not curly.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  My hair right now is dry, very dry, and feels really hard.  It actually feels like hair feels when it's over processed.  That is very confusing to me because I no longer use chemicals on my hair.  I use a deep conditioner every week, and a leave in conditioner to keep it moisterized.  I've tried several products that I've read about, and the results have not been that good.  Some have helped to a certain extent, but not how I need them to help.  If I could carry a bottle of water with me and spray my hair hourly, I would. Maybe I'm experiencing what I've read about called "scab hair".  I don't know, I have to do more research on that.  But what I can say is that I do not like how my hair feels.

On occassion, if I don't have to leave home, I'll try different styles.  I've tried the braid out.  That is a no go for me.  It just looks frizzy and dry.  I've also tried the wash and go.  No go.  It ends up being very dry, hard, and my hair strinks so badly, that it looks terrible.  So I'd always go back to old faithful, the set on perm rods. I don't have the time to do my hair every morning.  I'm still trying to figure out how some naturals do that.  Especially with 4b hair.   

Today, I was at my wits end.  I set my hair on Thursday, and today(Monday), it was a horrible dry mess.  I needed to find someone who could braid my hair before I picked up the phone to call my stylist for an appointment to get a perm, or before I asked my Boo to cut it all off.  The last time I got frustrated and asked him, thankfully, he said no because I was making an emotional decision.  Thanks Boo!  Because if I had allowed him to cut it all off, I would have been crazy a few hours later.  If I make that decision, I want to do it with a sane mind, not out of emotion. 

So, because I'm not a quitter, I did the next best thing.  I called the African Braiding Galleries to see who could take me as a walkin.  Luckily I found one who could.  I decided to braid it for a while, just to give me a break from having to style it weekly, and having to touch it and be disappointed on what I feel.  My concern now is will the braids and the fact that I can't condition it for moisture make it worse?  I surely hope not. 

With that said, I'm still on my natural journey.  I hope it gets better for me.  Because right now, I am truly missing the perm. Any 4b naturals out there that can help, I'm listening!!

Sweet T